Tuesday, February 3, 2015

To my faithful readers....

Hi Ken!  :)


Why Pick February? Cause it is the shortest month, therefore I have the best chance of success....

Friday: friend and mentor’s last day of work. Went for drinks.


Saturday: very tired from all the travel as of late, plus previous nights drinks. Went out for dinner with friends. Decided to join a friend on his ‘Sober February’ undertaking, figured why not be there for moral support and get a little more healthy myself in the process.

Sunday: babysat nephew and watched Super bowl. Changed first diaper. Traumatized. Had a beer to forget.

Monday: went to airport. Filled out customs card. Signed and dated customs card. Dated…wait, what? It’s the 2nd of February??? NO!!!! OMG, that means yesterday was also February! Oh no. I failed.

Monday evening: sat on a plane for 4 hours and spent first three hours wondering – do I admit I failed?? I mean no one who knows about the February thing saw me drink that beer. And it was an honest mistake... I didn't know it was February ALREADY?! I mean, it was JUST christmas... And beside that, anyone that has to change a diaper should automatically get a beer - so there is no way that particular beer, given the circumstance, should even count. That should be THE RULE over and above all other rules in life! Change a diaper; get a beer. In fact, that diaper genie thingy should HAND you a beer when you hand it a diaper. Now there, THAT would be a genie...

…spent last hour of flight realizing –If I was a mother and had to have a beer every diaper change, by day three I'd probably not have been a very good one….

I Need My Space!

Tomorrow I go to NASA under the premise of a 'tour of the space center'.

But really, I'm secretly doing reconissance work. I want to get the lay of the land, if you will. For my plan while I'm in Houston is to start frequenting the grounds like I belong. I plan to just go and hang out there, lunch there most days, rent a space suit and wear it as I wander around saying 'good morning, how's the family?' to everyone like we've worked together for years. I want me and that space suit to become so ingrained in everyone's minds, they will eventually mistake me for an astronaut and send me to outer space!

I thought the Galapagoes was out of this world....just imagine a trip that really is 'out of this world'!!!!!


Guns don't kill people...people kill people

I work in Houston, Texas now.
In the office there is a sign that tells people they cannot bring their guns to work.
But that doesn't make any sense?!  I mean, how do they plan to settle work conflicts???
Then I noticed there is no sign for 'no swords'
...so I guess that's how!

Friday, April 25, 2014


I grew up in a small town, well I call it a ‘town’ but it probably never ever qualified as such since I was there…maybe in its finest hour post-my-birth it could have passed for a hamlet.  But regardless – I grew up in a rural area where a few ‘towns’ would send their children to one larger town to go to school.  You can imagine there weren’t terribly many of us.  The average class was about 10 students. 

And yet…we had roll call.


Every morning the teacher (who was also born and raised in the area, knew all our parents, knew their parents, and definitely knew their children) would say, ‘Tanya?’  Like she couldn’t see me or didn’t know which one I was.

And dutifully I’d say, ‘Present.’

On some days when I’d maybe rolled out the wrong side of my bed – which was under the circumstance, nearly impossible, my bed being next to a wall – yet, even back then – back then when I had no responsibilities – no idea yet what the hell a T4 was, that gas or toilet paper cost actual money, or that if I left my dirty socks on the floor by the bed they could in fact, remain dirty socks beside a bed for endless weeks –  I somehow managed to have bad days.  How that was, I have no idea.  But on these days I wouldn’t offer my reply quite as promptly.

The teacher would ask, “Tanya?”


Then again, “Tanya?” as she stared at me.

On the third, “Tanya?”, I would reply, “Present.”

Then all would be well and she could move along. 

I often wondered what happened if I was sick.

How long did she stand there asking, “Tanya?”

At what point did she mark you as ‘Absent’?  Did someone have to tell her?  Did she have a 5 time maximum?  I wish now that I would have been stronger back then, waited her out, stayed silent until she finally conceded and marked me as absent even though I was clearly sitting there in desk number 6/10.  How shocked she would have been when I didn’t answer, she finally went ahead and marked me as ‘Absent’, and then an hour or so later I raised my hand to answer a question in class!  Would she have fainted out of sheer surprise?  Or simply went on like she’d known all along I was there? 

Could you get detention if you weren’t even there as per roll call?  I bet not.  Damn.


…sigh…another opportunity missed.


Friday, April 18, 2014

further to my previous post...

Uh.  My mother just 'advised' me I should be shopping in 'adult only' stores...well, uh, ok...I suppose the toys I'd find there wouldn't be for the little ones..... 



Advice from an Auntie

I highly, highly recommend that before you decide to have nieces and nephews you get yourself a decent job - everything costs more after you become an auntie.

For instance, I finished reading The Book Thief and needed another book to get through the rainy Vancouver days so I stopped by the local book store.  I picked up a recommended read for $17.00.  Then I walked to the counter to pay.  That's all I did - walk through the store to the counter to pay.  By the time I reached the counter, my seventeen dollar book cost me $51.66.

And don't even get me started about what happens in toy stores, even just walking by a toy store can cost what would otherwise be a pair of shoes...oh how I miss the days when I could afford shoes!

Some people brag when December 1st rolls around...they say, "I have ALL my christmas shopping done already!"

Ya, well I have nieces and nephew that are 5, 3-minus-a-few-days, 1, and almost 1 and I have all my christmas shopping done until at least the first one hits 10.

So there.

I also need a second job if you hear of anyone that's hiring...maybe something in a shoe store, but not one that sells cute little miniature shoes in children's sizes...