Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Snap, Crackle, Pop

I went to a silent film last night.

Did you know that at a silent film you can hear the guy in the front row chomping on his popcorn all the way from the back?


Thursday, January 19, 2012

Advice on Aging

My co-worker said:

"Don't worry about getting older - you can still do all the fun stuff... just have to eat Tums."


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Twas a Fool Who Said There Is No Such Thing As A Dumb Question

I went to a talk last night by a National Geographic underwater photographer. He spoke and showed his work for an hour and a half. It was riveting!

He talked about his experiences diving, about his desire to protect the underwater world - to save the coral, to change people’s opinions on ‘sharks as monsters’, to end over-fishing.

He told us about the day a whale swam with him for 2 hours - so long that he had to kneel on the bottom for a rest at one point. A point where he was sure the whale would just swim off, but instead the whale stopped patiently and stared at him with a big sympathetic eye - as though he knew that the tiny creature's awkward appendages were all wrong for swimming.

He talked about the diversity of the ocean around Japan, about the behaviour of Manatees when no one else is looking…about the mating rituals of squid and the helpless Harp Seal pups that he was the first photographer to shoot from outside of a helicopter.

After his talk he opened up the floor to questions.

A few people got up asked a few questions that pertained to the subject matter and the man they were staring at. Questions such as, "What advice would you have for someone wanting to work for National Geographic?" or "Which of your photographs do you think had the most impact?" or even "What are some of the scariest moments you faced while diving?"

Then a woman stood up and said, “I go to Hawaii with my husband. We love it there and go often. We like to swim and would like to go in the ocean, but I’m so afraid when I’m snorkelling or swimming of those scary Tiger Sharks, like the ones you mentioned earlier. Ewwwwww. So I was wondering, what advice or tips you had for scaring off those, ewwww, scary sharks? Like maybe colour of my bathing suit?...blah,blah,blah...I know the hotels dump their garbage and food scraps in the water, which would attract sharks...blah,blah,blah...I'm a lawyer, do you think the sharks would give me professional consideration?”


Yup. Seriously.

He said, “MmmmHmmm. Well, if you are in an area where you know hotels are dumping food and garbage and you know sharks will be attracted to that, I’d recommend you don’t snorkel there.”

You wouldn’t think someone from the National Geographic would interfere with Darwin's Natural Selection, but I guess he had a certain obligation being asked directly in a public forum...


Monday, January 16, 2012

An Actual Conversation at Dinner

Daughter: You should see it - she got this cool tattoo!

Father: What is it?

Daughter: It is her birthdate in roman numerals.

Father: Is she Roman?


Thursday, January 5, 2012

DANGER! It's bedtime...

Sunday night I went to bed, I woke up Monday with such a crick in my neck I couldn't turn my head to see if it was in fact, actually Monday yet.

I have spent the last four days with shooting pains up my neck, numbness down my arm, and a knot of spasming muscles in my shoulder that are pressing on some nerve causing agony that I've never felt before and rendering sleep impossible. To top it off, I contracted a touch of a cold that came with regular sneezing fits and a cough - which both cause extreme difficulties when you are unable to move your head/neck/arm. Ahhh, it's been fun times at my house.

Yesterday I went to the massage therapist. She said what did you do? I said it was fine when I went to bed, hurt when I got up and then the first sudden move I made sent searing pains up my neck and down my arm that left me sobbing.

I have:

- jumped out of an airplane at twelve thousand feet outside of Edmonton, Alberta;

- had guns pointed at my head by teenagers while biking up a treacherous mountain in the middle of the night, in the rain, in Nepal;

- naively stood a foot and a half away from an alligator who was in the murky waters between the paths at Red Frog Beach, Panama;

all of which I walked away from unscathed, yet suddenly I can't go to bed without risking injury.

I turn thirty-five in a few days. I'm scared. I wonder if they make matching pyjama/helmet combos.


1 Meter of Play Dough

For Christmas I gave my three year old niece 20 cans of play dough, each one a different colour.

10 days later she has one can of play dough, 20 different colours.