Friday, May 25, 2012

Go Fish

Did you know that SpongeBob SquarePants is a cartoon that takes place underwater?  And did you also know that each character that has a house, also has a kitchen that comes equipped with a kitchen sink with running water. 

Imagine you work for utilities in that neighbourhood. 

“This month your water bill comes to $78.12.  IDIOT!  You could have just used the water that is already filling your sink and your drawers and your house and outside your house and the whole town and outside the town…."

I guess there is a reason you aren't supposed to watch cartoons after age ten....


Tuesday, May 22, 2012

A Stand-Up Comedian Once Said...

"Hockey reminds me of a night at the pub - all the guys who can't score get frustrated and start fights."


Friday, May 11, 2012

Donut Hole

Deep inside the Calgary city limits one can find a sign that reads, "Jelly".

Behind that sign, through the door is a gourmet donut shop. A little donut shop that boasts anything from Classic Jelly to S'mores to PB&J to Red Velvet Cake to Bacon flavored donuts. Yup. Bacon.

And the creative minds that first opened those doors have brainstormed another doozy - a Wine/Donut pairing evening!  That's right, tonight people will be sipping grapes whilst nibbling on tidbits of timbits.

This is all pretty cool. Pretty creative. Pretty impressive. But do you know what would be more impressive??

If they baked the donuts AROUND the stem of the wine glasses. Then you take a sip, take a bite, and back and forth, or forth and back, depending on which you favor more, but all the while you have a free hand!!

Free to shake hands with people, free to scratch your itchy arm, free to grab a second glass of donut/wine...

Ya, ya, I know...I'm a genius.


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

You look 90! ...or do you just play volleyball?

My co-worker said, 'What happened to your thumb?'

I said, 'I jammed it.'

He said, 'Ya, but how?'

I said, 'Playing volleyball.'

He shook his head and said with what sounded like remorse, 'Volleyball is hard on your looks.'

"P-A-R-D-O-N???" I exclaimed as my hand instinctively shot up to cover the pesky grey hairs that have appeared on my head.  What exactly was he trying to say, and how did this conversation go from my thumb to my apparently no-longer-youthful looks anyway?!  Who was this guy??  And how soon can I schedule an emergency hair appointment!  What about this Botox thing?  I should google it - has it really come to that?! head was spinning as I looked up and our eyes met, he was giving me a very odd, quizzical look when he said, 'I said volleyball is harder then it looks...what did you think I said?'

'Oh, yes, haha, that is what I thought you said,' I replied out-loud.

In-loud though, it sounded more like, 'Ok.  Ok.  I can still play volleyball - good, whew...  Cancel Botox.  Hair appointment, not urgent, yet....  Heart rate, nearing normal.  Mis-directed anger dissipating quickly.  This man is alright.  Nice guy actually, we should really chat more often...'