Friday, September 30, 2011

Your Email Will Be Responded to in the Order it was Received...

Do you ever feel like turning on your automatic reply message on your email to read,

"Please F-Off. My quota for email requests this week has already been filled.

Thanks, enjoy your weekend."

Albert Einstein said, 'The only reason for time is so everything doesn't happen at once.'

Really Albert? Then explain my life...the only time anything ever happens is at once!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

We All Have To Go Sometime...

Ok. I know it's a bit of a morbid thought, but at some point we all think of how we might pass on from this world. Personally I’ve always thought that I wanted to leave this world via alligator (not so much crocodile - it's all in the smile, they look too happy to eat me), but I was wrong. I want to go like this guy!

Yes, definitely, lucky man. Death by perogy……

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Slow Down!

Yesterday I went to a meeting with one of the partners - he walked; I ran.

No, I wasn't late - he's 6 feet tall! And I...well...I'm not. So his moderate walking speed has me jogging along beside, desperately trying to keep heels.

Fairly new heels.

And then, to top it off, he wants to chit chat while we are "walking" to the meeting. Of course, he doesn't stick to the one-word-answer-questions. You know things like, 'it's nice out, isn't it?' or 'did you have a nice evening?' or 'this meeting should go well, hey?'

These are all questions to which I could nod and smile in agreement or to which a quick, "Yes" would suffice.

No, he asked questions that start with, "what are your thoughts on..." or "what are your plans for..." or "who do you think will win...". Crap. So now I'm racing along in heels, spouting off my long-winded opinions on world issues, product placement and profits, and sports predictions.

Not only do his freakishly long legs put him at a leopards pace, they also move his mouth about a foot and a half above my ears. So I'm having to run along, talking, and staring upwards toward the sky cause it's difficult to hear someone that far away, so I have to do a little lip-reading to be sure that we are talking about Sidney Crosby, not Bill Cosby, which makes averting obstacles an obstacle by its own right. This leaves me bouncing off ill-placed tables and garbage bins at regular intervals, each time setting me back an additional pace and a half.

By the time we arrive at said meeting, I'm out of breath, my feet are spotted with blisters and I've acquired a couple bruises from above mentioned tables and garbage bins.

I don't know why I even went to that meeting. I didn't hear a thing. I spent the first twenty minutes recovering and the last twenty psyching myself up for the trek back. In my next life, I shall have a height restriction on the people I choose to work with.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Just Another Day At the Office

Imagine you are the investigating officer in the news story below...
Nevermind laying charges, just trying to keep a straight face would be difficult enough!!!