Friday, February 24, 2012

What's in a Name?

Do you ever spend time wondering why things are called what they are called? I do. I probably spend (waste) a lot of time on the matter. But every once in awhile I make a breakthrough, which makes it worth all the time I devote to (waste on) the matter.

For example, the other day I figured out why twins are called twins.

I said to myself, 'twins.'




And then it hit me - say "Two Wins" really fast - what do you get - YES - "Twins"!!

And that's exactly how it must have happened. The first time a caveman and cavewoman saw two cavebabies come out, the mom must have said, "Oh my gosh!! Two little angels?! I was blessed with two little angels?! At the SAME TIME?! Oh, lucky me!!!! That's 2 wins. Yes!! Two wins!! Hey, two-wins, ahh, fitting, I shall call you Twins!"

The dad thought, "TWO?? I have to take care of TWO????? At the SAME TIME??!?!? Club me now..."


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Men Who Stared at Goat Hair

I was looking at a make up brush, a brush made to apply rose to cheeks for youthful rosy cheeks. God knows, I could use youthful.

Anyhow, I'm flipping through this order catalogue and in the brush section and reading about the blush brush, it says, "made from natural goat hair."

'Natural' Goat Hair??

As opposed to 'Artificial Goat Hair'

Maybe it's just me, but I think this doesn't need to be specified, cause I tell you, if I'm making artificial hair, I'm hardly going to bother replicating the goat. I'd make it flashy - Artificial Gorilla Hair, or Artificial Hair of the Extremely Rare and Mystical Unicorn, or Artificial Hair of a week old Cottonelle kitten. Who the hell would pick Goat? It's fake, it could be anything. Have some friggin imagination.


Thursday, February 9, 2012

Save big on books!

So I'm at Chapters and this guy comes up to me and hands me a Valentine's day coupon. The coupon says that if I purchase a greeting card, I will receive 10 percent off my purchase, or the possibility of more savings.

Well, I know me and so I'm banking on the 10 per cent. Which is still good right?! Especially considering I need a Valentine's day card anyway.

I look down at the book in my hand $18.95. Cool, save a couple bucks anyway, maybe even 4 and thus pay for the card really. Cool. Going to get both, may as well get both here and save some cash.

So I beeline for the card aisle. On display are of course, lovey-dovey pink and red valentines cards. I pick up the first one that catches my eye. Read it...nice...flip it over...



For a CARD.

They want my life savings so that I can save just shy of $1.90. for a CARD?!?!?! that will be in the trash bin before the book is even done.

No thank you. I put the card down. I put the book down. I set the coupon on top.

So long suckers!!


Friday, February 3, 2012

Zig first, and then Zag

I read that if you are being chased by an alligator you need to run in a zigzag. Alligators are pretty quick on land, but not so talented in the agility department. Therefore, if you run straight you'll be sure to see the inside of the gators mouth. "My what sharp teeth you have..."

But if you zig and then zag and then zig again, you will lose the little bugger who can't change directions with any sort of efficiency.

I guess I should be grateful for this tidbit of knowledge, but the truth is, I'm saddened by it.

See, I always thought my demise would be to be eaten by an alligator...but now if I kick the bucket via alligator I'm kinda just an idiot who didn't zag.