Big Bag Bust

I ran out of sandwich bags.  So, when I went to the store for milk, I stopped in the bag aisle.  I found the sandwich bags and picked up the box of 50 bags.  But then I saw that the box of 75 bags was half the price.  Who's the idiot who would buy 50 bags for twice the price of 75 bags I thought!??  Not me!  So I put back the box of 50, grabbed the 75, paid half the price and went home with a big smirk on my face!

Next morning I made myself a nice sandwich - turkey on squirrel bread with sprouts and cucumber slices.  I opened my new box of bags and went to insert my sandwich to find that it only fit half way.  WHAT?!  What the heck is this?

I pulled out my sandwich and examined the bag - it was sandwich size across, but only half the depth of a sandwich.  I've been ripped off!

I grabbed the box and took a closer look.  "75 bags 16.5 cm x 8.2cm".  WHAT THE F???  A slice of bread is approximately 16.5 x 14.9 centimetres.  Duh.  Okay.  Who's the idiot now??

YES.  That's right - it's the guy who made a Half-A-Sandwich bag.  What good is a half a sandwich bag??  And to top it off - if you are going to make a half a sandwich bag at least put an even number of bags in the friggin box.  So now, because of some guy who's obviously never even had a sandwich, I have to make 38 sandwiches, bag 37.5 sandwiches for lunches and let the second half of sandwich #38 go stale on the counter.

All because some guy who failed 'How to use a ruler 101' goes into bag making.  What's next - Half-A-Pair-Of-Shoes boxes???



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Trilogy

I work in IT.    I'm pretty nerdy so I fit in....most of the time....

Co-worker 1: Did you hear they are making the Hobit into three movies?

Co-worker 2: Ya, that sucks.  Like that isn't a money grab.

Co-worker 3: Where are they going to get all the extra content from?  Even with the appendices they can't stretch it into three movies.

Co-worker 4: I can't believe it either, but you know I did find some clips online and it looks like they are going to do some pretty cool stuff.

Tanya: I wish they'd make Magic Mike into three movies.


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We've All Got Problems

Tanya:  I want a beer.

Ashley:  You have a problem.

Tanya:  Yes.  I do not have a beer.  That is a problem.

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Go Fish

Did you know that SpongeBob SquarePants is a cartoon that takes place underwater?  And did you also know that each character that has a house, also has a kitchen that comes equipped with a kitchen sink with running water. 

Imagine you work for utilities in that neighbourhood. 

“This month your water bill comes to $78.12.  IDIOT!  You could have just used the water that is already filling your sink and your drawers and your house and outside your house and the whole town and outside the town…."





I guess there is a reason you aren't supposed to watch cartoons after age ten....

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A Stand-Up Comedian Once Said...

"Hockey reminds me of a night at the pub - all the guys who can't score get frustrated and start fights."



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Donut Hole

Deep inside the Calgary city limits one can find a sign that reads, "Jelly".

Behind that sign, through the door is a gourmet donut shop. A little donut shop that boasts anything from Classic Jelly to S'mores to PB&J to Red Velvet Cake to Bacon flavored donuts. Yup. Bacon.

And the creative minds that first opened those doors have brainstormed another doozy - a Wine/Donut pairing evening!  That's right, tonight people will be sipping grapes whilst nibbling on tidbits of timbits.

http://guestlistapp.com/events/93567


This is all pretty cool. Pretty creative. Pretty impressive. But do you know what would be more impressive??

If they baked the donuts AROUND the stem of the wine glasses. Then you take a sip, take a bite, and back and forth, or forth and back, depending on which you favor more, but all the while you have a free hand!!

Free to shake hands with people, free to scratch your itchy arm, free to grab a second glass of donut/wine...


Ya, ya, I know...I'm a genius.

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You look 90! ...or do you just play volleyball?

My co-worker said, 'What happened to your thumb?'

I said, 'I jammed it.'

He said, 'Ya, but how?'

I said, 'Playing volleyball.'

He shook his head and said with what sounded like remorse, 'Volleyball is hard on your looks.'



"P-A-R-D-O-N???" I exclaimed as my hand instinctively shot up to cover the pesky grey hairs that have appeared on my head.  What exactly was he trying to say, and how did this conversation go from my thumb to my apparently no-longer-youthful looks anyway?!  Who was this guy??  And how soon can I schedule an emergency hair appointment!  What about this Botox thing?  I should google it - has it really come to that?!...my head was spinning as I looked up and our eyes met, he was giving me a very odd, quizzical look when he said, 'I said volleyball is harder then it looks...what did you think I said?'

'Oh, yes, haha, that is what I thought you said,' I replied out-loud.

In-loud though, it sounded more like, 'Ok.  Ok.  I can still play volleyball - good, whew...  Cancel Botox.  Hair appointment, not urgent, yet....  Heart rate, nearing normal.  Mis-directed anger dissipating quickly.  This man is alright.  Nice guy actually, we should really chat more often...'



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