If one said I was somewhat of a social creature, that one would be correct. But it’s not my fault! If God wouldn’t have put so damn many people on earth, I’d have some free time….
I think my firefighting friend is perturbed that in two weeks, all I could offer was a lunch. Perturbed. Ha! I’m not sure if we are even friends anymore, which I’m not to broken up about I guess. But watch today be the day my apartment starts on fire!
Oh well. I guess if it went up in flames it would be fine cause I really just go there to sleep and it seems I haven’t done that in awhile.
Lately sleep hasn’t really found a spot between work and class and sports and friends and beer clubs and camera club and I’m tired!
First I thought, “I need a wife.”
Cause if I had a wife the cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping and cooking would at least be done.
But when I said that on the weekend, my brother’s wife said, “Your brother has a wife and it hasn’t helped him any.”
Huh. Excellent point.
So I asked my mother what I should do. Mom’s are supposed to know EVERYTHING after all.
Mom said, “You need to schedule some time by yourself. Tell everyone you are busy, go home after work, read a book, drink some wine, have a bubble bath. “
Yes, yes people. My mother told me that to improve the quality of my life, I should sit at home, alone, and drink.
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Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Burning Babies
On the weekend I was having a pint in the company of a firefighter. I asked him if he'd ever saved a burning baby. He said that he generally tried to save babies before they were burning...something about it being an unsuccessful 'save' if the baby was burning.
I told him I used to play a computer game where you had to move firemen around to save babies from a burning building. It think it was called Bouncing Babies.
Anyhow, he had apparently never specifically saved a baby.
So I guess I won, cause on a good day, I could save like a hundred babies.
But he had saved lives with CPR and pulled a couple cats out of trees. Yes, the cat thing, it really happens.
I know. I was surprised too.
But not as surprised as when he continued on with, "Oh and once I saved a bird from a tree!"
A bird?
A BIRD?
Saved? From a TREE?
So I said, "You do know birds live in trees, right?"
...then I said, "Have you ever saved any fish from the river? Maybe you've saved a deer from the woods? A goat from his mountain?"
...then I said, "Once I saved a gopher from the ground...with a gun!"
Then I was quiet for a split second, just to take a breath and he said, "Haha. No it was a parrot that escaped from his owner and flew into a tree. We set up the rescue ladders then when we climbed up to grab him, he got scared and flew to another branch, so we climbed down, moved the ladders, climbed up, went to grab him again, he flew to another branch.... This happened 4 or 5 times, then the parrot flew down and landed on the owners arm and we left."
I don't know, but I think he should have just let me keep talking.
.
I told him I used to play a computer game where you had to move firemen around to save babies from a burning building. It think it was called Bouncing Babies.
Anyhow, he had apparently never specifically saved a baby.
So I guess I won, cause on a good day, I could save like a hundred babies.
But he had saved lives with CPR and pulled a couple cats out of trees. Yes, the cat thing, it really happens.
I know. I was surprised too.
But not as surprised as when he continued on with, "Oh and once I saved a bird from a tree!"
A bird?
A BIRD?
Saved? From a TREE?
So I said, "You do know birds live in trees, right?"
...then I said, "Have you ever saved any fish from the river? Maybe you've saved a deer from the woods? A goat from his mountain?"
...then I said, "Once I saved a gopher from the ground...with a gun!"
Then I was quiet for a split second, just to take a breath and he said, "Haha. No it was a parrot that escaped from his owner and flew into a tree. We set up the rescue ladders then when we climbed up to grab him, he got scared and flew to another branch, so we climbed down, moved the ladders, climbed up, went to grab him again, he flew to another branch.... This happened 4 or 5 times, then the parrot flew down and landed on the owners arm and we left."
I don't know, but I think he should have just let me keep talking.
.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Who Moved My Cheese, Part Five
There is now a box in our work fridge with one hundred and forty-four individually wrapped cheeses!!! Each day, one appears on my desk from the cheese fairy...
And you know, I had almost forgotten about the whole ordeal, had almost let it go...was on the verge of being able to pass people in the hall and greet them with a simple, "Hello" instead of my customary, "Morning! Why'd you eat my cheese?!"
But now, with the cheese box's appearance, I find myself spending my time trying to get to the bottom of every smile I see in the office. No one can even get lucky anymore without me wondering if their spouse is walking around somewhere mirroring their big grin or if the reason for their happiness is the new-found endless supply of cheese to steal....
.
And you know, I had almost forgotten about the whole ordeal, had almost let it go...was on the verge of being able to pass people in the hall and greet them with a simple, "Hello" instead of my customary, "Morning! Why'd you eat my cheese?!"
But now, with the cheese box's appearance, I find myself spending my time trying to get to the bottom of every smile I see in the office. No one can even get lucky anymore without me wondering if their spouse is walking around somewhere mirroring their big grin or if the reason for their happiness is the new-found endless supply of cheese to steal....
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Tuesday, November 1, 2011
...to clarify....
For the non- Canadians...a touque is a wool hat designed to keep one's head warm and ears from freezing off in a blizzard.
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Monday, October 31, 2011
My Brand New Blue Jeans
On October 16th I purchased new jeans from a store in Inglewood. It isn't often I splurge on myself, but once in a while I can justify passing up the day-old sale rack for the clothes that are still warm from runway models. And if there ever was one, this was the store to do it in.
espy - is a trendy new store with tons of cool items and knowledgeable stylists - one of which I paid over a hundred dollars to wrap my ass in brandname denim!
Yup. Over one hundred dollars for one pair of pants and I walked out of the store with nothing more than a receipt. The jeans I just invested in were added to the pile for the resident seamstress to hem. I was told it would take about 3-4 business days and that they'd call me when they were ready.
So, I planned my life around picking up these jeans the following Saturday. But Saturday came and went and no one called. I gave it a couple more days, but by then I was getting a little ticked off. What was the hold up? It was now October 25th - 6 and a HALF business days had passed. Hadn't she said "3 TO 4 days", not 3 AND THEN 4 business days???
Seriously? So what? Had some local billionaire walked in and they moved all his stuff to the front of the queue while my jeans got buried in a pile of the 'just doing my best to make it on my own' working people? What? Was I not good enough?? The nerve! I wanted an explanation, I wanted names, I wanted action!
So, I pulled up their website to get their contact information so I could call them and give them a piece of my mind! Unbelievable! I paid a pretty penny for those jeans and I wanted them. And I wanted them NOW damn it!
Alright. Enough is enough. That's it. I'm going to call and I'm going to tell them that I will be by to pick up my jeans today after work and by golly - they better be ready!!! And if not today, then tomorrow, or the next day, I would be there the MOMENT they were ready.
And then their website popped up in front of my eager eyeballs, my hand already on the phone... On the home page of their website was a photo of a line of naked men - well, naked save boots, briefs and touques - in front of their store. The caption read 'nakedespy'.
It was a fundraiser for prostate cancer. The first one hundred naked men to line up got free clothes for charity. Well, almost naked. ...underwear and touques.
Hmmm, I have a touque fetish - just like some women are interested in a man in uniform, I'm more of a, pull on a touque and it's 'HEL-LO Prince Charming!!' kinda gal.
The date read Saturday, November 5, 2011. Always interested in supporting a good cause, I clicked around a bit. There was a link to last year's online photo album, so I clicked on it...for the articles of course...
Just then my phone rang.
"Hello, Tanya? This is espy. We apologize for the delay, our seamstress ended up staying a few extra days in China, but she is back and you're jeans are ready!"
"Oh uh, ok. I can't pick them up tonight, or tomorrow anyway. Huh, look at that, I can't pick them up on the weekend either...or next week. Oh, darn it...looks like I'm booked solid until...oh will you look at that, I won't be able to make it until the 5th of November..."
.
espy - is a trendy new store with tons of cool items and knowledgeable stylists - one of which I paid over a hundred dollars to wrap my ass in brandname denim!
Yup. Over one hundred dollars for one pair of pants and I walked out of the store with nothing more than a receipt. The jeans I just invested in were added to the pile for the resident seamstress to hem. I was told it would take about 3-4 business days and that they'd call me when they were ready.
So, I planned my life around picking up these jeans the following Saturday. But Saturday came and went and no one called. I gave it a couple more days, but by then I was getting a little ticked off. What was the hold up? It was now October 25th - 6 and a HALF business days had passed. Hadn't she said "3 TO 4 days", not 3 AND THEN 4 business days???
Seriously? So what? Had some local billionaire walked in and they moved all his stuff to the front of the queue while my jeans got buried in a pile of the 'just doing my best to make it on my own' working people? What? Was I not good enough?? The nerve! I wanted an explanation, I wanted names, I wanted action!
So, I pulled up their website to get their contact information so I could call them and give them a piece of my mind! Unbelievable! I paid a pretty penny for those jeans and I wanted them. And I wanted them NOW damn it!
Alright. Enough is enough. That's it. I'm going to call and I'm going to tell them that I will be by to pick up my jeans today after work and by golly - they better be ready!!! And if not today, then tomorrow, or the next day, I would be there the MOMENT they were ready.
And then their website popped up in front of my eager eyeballs, my hand already on the phone... On the home page of their website was a photo of a line of naked men - well, naked save boots, briefs and touques - in front of their store. The caption read 'nakedespy'.
It was a fundraiser for prostate cancer. The first one hundred naked men to line up got free clothes for charity. Well, almost naked. ...underwear and touques.
Hmmm, I have a touque fetish - just like some women are interested in a man in uniform, I'm more of a, pull on a touque and it's 'HEL-LO Prince Charming!!' kinda gal.
The date read Saturday, November 5, 2011. Always interested in supporting a good cause, I clicked around a bit. There was a link to last year's online photo album, so I clicked on it...for the articles of course...
Just then my phone rang.
"Hello, Tanya? This is espy. We apologize for the delay, our seamstress ended up staying a few extra days in China, but she is back and you're jeans are ready!"
"Oh uh, ok. I can't pick them up tonight, or tomorrow anyway. Huh, look at that, I can't pick them up on the weekend either...or next week. Oh, darn it...looks like I'm booked solid until...oh will you look at that, I won't be able to make it until the 5th of November..."
.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Eyes on the Road, Hands on the Wheel
We have followed suit and introduced distracted driver laws in Alberta - no texting, talking on the phone, or playing angry birds while driving.
We have to make laws because we can make smart phones, but we can't make smart people.
We have to make laws because we can make smart phones, but we can't make smart people.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Who Moved My Cheese, Part Four
I requested a list of the people who purchased cheese from the fundraiser.
I then cross-referenced it with the list of people who were in the office on the day of the heist because it makes sense that the cheese thief was both (a) present and (b) fond of cheese.
With my list of suspects neatly narrowed down, I said to someone who wasn't on the list - "I noticed that you didn't purchase any cheese?"
He said, 'I didn't purchase any cheese cause I knew you would...so I don't have to!'
Damn it.
He is right - that IS suspicious behavior, cause if you have your own cheese, why would you take mine??!
So now I'm watching closely the lot that didn't purchase cheese.
If only I could get my hands on a list of lactose-intolerant people in the office to cross-reference with the list of people who feel they don't have to purchase their own cheese, I would be well on my way to solving this crime once and for all.....
I then cross-referenced it with the list of people who were in the office on the day of the heist because it makes sense that the cheese thief was both (a) present and (b) fond of cheese.
With my list of suspects neatly narrowed down, I said to someone who wasn't on the list - "I noticed that you didn't purchase any cheese?"
He said, 'I didn't purchase any cheese cause I knew you would...so I don't have to!'
Damn it.
He is right - that IS suspicious behavior, cause if you have your own cheese, why would you take mine??!
So now I'm watching closely the lot that didn't purchase cheese.
If only I could get my hands on a list of lactose-intolerant people in the office to cross-reference with the list of people who feel they don't have to purchase their own cheese, I would be well on my way to solving this crime once and for all.....
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